The unseasonably warm weather has presented a dilemma for those of us of pasty leggage who had believed that we were safe for another year.
Day 1 I went for the denial tactic - boots and tights - and almost expired from heat exhaustion. Day 2 - jeans and Converse...not an awful lot better.
Then yesterday morning I chanced upon a can of L'Oreal spray tan in the bathroom cabinet and figured this was a sign from above that I should dare to bare like the rest.
'Streak free' proclaimed the can. What could possibly go wrong?
I sprayed, according to the instructions. I dried as it told me to dry. My legs were still white enough to be seen from space so out came the long trousers again and a jolly day was passed with family and friends. Until...
Bedtime. Removal of trousers. Discovery that I had turned into a (mutant) zebra. Much hyperventilation, panic and scrubbing. To no avail.
Realising I had to take the girl swimming within hours I turned to Twitter for advice...which ranged from helpless laughter to the suggestion I buy a burkini.
The lack of late-night burkini shops in North London left me no option but to go for the only other advice from the Twitterati: lemon juice.
Now, in the cold light of day I am able to report back.
- I still look like a zebra.
- I smell like a pancake.
- I am being attacked by wasps.
- The 3yo has just seen the stripes and recoiled in horror.
- I have run out of time and options.
Don't suppose anyone has a wetsuit I can borrow?