Tuesday, 30 August 2011

The Why? Years

I been on this planet for *coughs and mumbles a bit* years.

Surely that is more than enough time for someone to have warned me that it's not so much the ‘why?’ years as ‘who, why, what, when, where…?”

As in:

Child - Why did we just stop in the middle of the road?
Me – To let that lady walk across the zebra crossing.
Child – Which lady?
Me – The one who is – logically enough – walking across the zebra crossing
Child – What is she called?
Me – I have no idea
Child – Why?
Me – Because she is a random stranger that I have never seen before
Child – Where does she live?
Me – Please refer to earlier response
Child – Why is she carrying a suitcase?
Me – Perhaps she is going on holiday
Child – Where to?
Me – Let’s go back to the bit about her being a random stranger…
Child – What has she got in her suitcase?
Mebangs head several times against steering wheel…
Child - ….Muuuuuum
Me – Yes darling
Child – What’s that lady called…?

Gin anyone?

Sunday, 28 August 2011

Silent Sunday (28th August)

One picture. No words.

Silent Sunday

Thursday, 25 August 2011

Why I'll Never Be A Grown Up Lady

I don't think I will ever be a proper grown up lady, no matter how old I get.

My hair never seems to do as it's told.

Friends talk about lovely 'pieces in the A/W11 collections' whereas I just mention I've seen a nice top in Gap.

Others seem to be perfectly made up no matter what time of day - whereas it would no more occur to me to put on make up of a morning than it would to fly to the moon. I can't even blame lack of time. It truly is something I never, ever remember (unless I'm going to a wedding or some such occasion - and even then someone usually has to prompt me).

Yet recently I've started to think that it might be rather nice to make a bit of an effort, to at least aim for stylish rather than the default scruffy setting. So when John Lewis asked me if I'd like to review a new mascara I jumped at the chance.

"It's a sign" I cried, "a sign that I was meant to be womanly and winsome".

I could barely get the lid off fast enough.

The cosmetic in question was the Lancome Hypnose Doll Eyes Mascara which promised to give me "separated, thick, long "nylon shine" lashes". I must confess I had never thought of nylon as being something to aspire to - but undaunted I gave it a go.

And you know - it was rather marvellous. One small step for (wo)mankind perhaps but even a light coating (is that the technical term?) made a real difference.

"What do you think?" I asked my husband when he got back from work.

He stared at me for a while, realised he was supposed to be commenting on something then asked if I had ironed my jumper.

But bear in mind I had five inches cut off my hair a few weeks back and it took him ten days to notice - and perhaps he wasn't the best person to ask.

And actually I love my new toy. Is it a product I would recommend? Without question. Will I remember to put it on every morning? I'm rather doubtful. But I'll certainly try. And hey - maybe I will end up being a grown up lady after all...

Monday, 22 August 2011

The One With The Poo

We did the tourist thing today. We 'drove' a DLR train (for those unfamiliar with this mode of transport, it's an east London line that operates without a driver so you can sit right at the front and pretend you're the one in control). I'd be hard pressed to say which of us enjoyed it more, though for the sake of any remnant of street cred I possess I'll say that the 3 year-old just edged it.

Then there was a river boat from Greenwich to Tower Bridge (which thanks to my Oyster card was a bargain fiver for the both of us) and finally the fountains up by City Hall - fantastic, free and a lot of fun.

It was there that the 'incident' occurred. The child had been running merrily in and out of the jets of water and was soaked to the skin (& yes, in an untypical burst of organisation I HAD remembered to bring a change of clothes. Plus a towel...) when suddenly

"I need a poo. NOW"

There were no public toilets to be seen (I subsequently discovered one a few minutes walk away but a) that would have been a few minutes walk too far b) there was a mahoosive queue and c) I knew not of its existence at that stage - so essentially a fat lot of good on all counts.

There were a couple of restaurants up behind the fountains - but given the child and all her clothes were dripping wet I wasn't convinced that I'd find an obliging maitre d' who'd allow us to trail water all the way through his fancy eatery to use the facilities.

There were acres and acres of flat. exposed concrete - and not a tree or bush to be seen (other than a teeny hedge thing that even a chihuahua would have struggled to squat behind to preserve its modesty).

It was clear that my options were limited - or non existent - and the child was making it clear that there was no time to dither.

The day was saved by a Sainsburys carrier bag and an uncharacteristic display of hand/eye coordination on my part. And all was well that ended well - though I feel I should offer my apologies to my friend whose bag it was (she was suddenly less keen to use it for her kids' wet clothes than she had been at the outset) and to the posse of suited and booted business men who passed behind us at the clean up stage and possibly got more than they bargained for.

But it could have been worse. Halfway up the Northern Line and we'd all have been scuppered (though I guess at least we'd have got a seat...)

Sunday, 21 August 2011

Silent Sunday (21st August)

One picture. No words.

Silent Sunday

Sunday, 14 August 2011

Silent Sunday (14th August)

One photo. No words

Silent Sunday

Sunday, 7 August 2011

Silent Sunday (7th August)

As ever...one picture. No words.

Silent Sunday

Thursday, 4 August 2011

My Mini Picasso

I'm not entirely sure that my daughter has a future as an artist. And she's probably not helped by the fact that her mother failed art O-level (for that is GCSEs were in days of yore) not once but twice.

But she's enthusiastic and I like to think that's what matters.

This is my favourite from her "Scottish Holiday 2011" collection.

What is it? I checked with her and she assures me that it's a sheep...

Or possibly grandma

Tuesday, 2 August 2011

Top Ten Things About Holidays

We are back from our trip to bonnie Scotland - and already planning our return. I've done some in-depth research bribed the girl and the other half to put together a list of what they liked best in case it might be useful to anyone else planning a sojourn north of the border. So here are our highlights.

1) Castles It must be said that Scotland does castles rather well. We like them a lot. Especially when they have a tea shop ones that you can do lots of climbing in

2) Scenery Stunning. The hills. The mountains. The colours. Just fantastic.

3) Giraffes Yes, giraffes. (Small child insisted that this had to be on the list). Yes, Scotland is famed for its wildlife. Yes, we saw cows and eagles aplenty. But giraffes are better. Apparently

4) Scottish Tablet If you've never had the pleasure you have missed out big time. Think of the creamiest, crumbliest fudge imaginable, then eat an entire packet every night of your trip. You might put on a stone but it will be worth it

5) Jumping (another contribution from small girl) Not something I believe to be exclusive to Scotland but a high point of the holiday nonetheless

6) Shortbread You might be forgiven for thinking all we did was eat *coughs loudly and adjusts waistband* (Please refer to earlier note about weight gain/pleasure ratio)

7) Strawberry picking - and boy do Scottish strawberries taste good

8) People Everywhere we went we met the friendliest folk imaginable. As ever there was many a conversation abut small girl's hair. I have finally learned to nod proudly when people say how much they love it - and smile politely when they add "but she'll hate it when she's older".

9) Horses The girl had her first go in the saddle and loved every second. In fact ever since she has talked about nothing else and there's many a poor stranger who has been accosted by a small, wild-haired beastie proclaiming "I went horse trotting".

10) 'Everything' says the girl. She's probably right. We can't wait to go back