Thursday, 18 July 2013

The one where I've been Tangoed

Those who may recall my previous adventures in the world of fake tannery will know it's not an area where my talents lie. Not really surprising then that last summer I steered well clear. (Surely this is why they invented sarongs?) But impressed by the natural-looking bronze of a good friend's calves a couple of months ago I relented and did venture as far as buying an exfoliating mitt before chickening out once again.

But then I was in Boots earlier in the week and they had a load of things on sale including one of those moisturisers which adds the faintest tinge of colour (which you can then build up over a few weeks into something approximating the sun-kissed look). I had tried one of these before, but found the colour change so minimal it wasn't worth the faff. But then this was a half price wasn't it worth having just one more go?

I bought it on Monday. I applied, post shower, on Tuesday and Wednesday (yesterday) figuring if I committed to it daily I might eventually get rid of the duck-egg-blue tinge that means I have to sport a minimum of 50 deniers before I can ever think about getting my legs out in public.

Then last night, sick of sweltering, I squeezed in a quick swim before dinner. It was the usual sprint to the gym, cozzie on, clothes chucked in locker...and then, heading for the door, I caught a glimpse of myself in the full-length mirror.

My legs were bright orange.

Not a "delicate glow". Not a "summer shimmer". Not "gently sun-kissed".

Bright orange. With white chevrons from flip-flop wear. And black stripes from flip flop residue.

Ever listened to glam rockers Mud and wondered what "tiger feet" actually look like?

Well now you know.