Those who may recall my previous adventures in the world of fake tannery will know it's not an area where my talents lie. Not really surprising then that last summer I steered well clear. (Surely this is why they invented sarongs?) But impressed by the natural-looking bronze of a good friend's calves a couple of months ago I relented and did venture as far as buying an exfoliating mitt before chickening out once again.
But then I was in Boots earlier in the week and they had a load of things on sale including one of those moisturisers which adds the faintest tinge of colour (which you can then build up over a few weeks into something approximating the sun-kissed look). I had tried one of these before, but found the colour change so minimal it wasn't worth the faff. But then this was a half price bargain...so wasn't it worth having just one more go?
I bought it on Monday. I applied, post shower, on Tuesday and Wednesday (yesterday) figuring if I committed to it daily I might eventually get rid of the duck-egg-blue tinge that means I have to sport a minimum of 50 deniers before I can ever think about getting my legs out in public.
Then last night, sick of sweltering, I squeezed in a quick swim before dinner. It was the usual sprint to the gym, cozzie on, clothes chucked in locker...and then, heading for the door, I caught a glimpse of myself in the full-length mirror.
My legs were bright orange.
Not a "delicate glow". Not a "summer shimmer". Not "gently sun-kissed".
Bright orange. With white chevrons from flip-flop wear. And black stripes from flip flop residue.
Ever listened to glam rockers Mud and wondered what "tiger feet" actually look like?
Well now you know.